So the trip. If you're reading this, you're probably curious how it went. The trip as a whole was exactly what I needed. In the last week I found out that the miscarriages I had weren't my fault but the fault of a deer tick. That's right, Lyme disease. It's curable, but shocked the pants of me none-the-less when I found out. Talk about being from left field. My doctor said that when you have Lyme, your adrenal glands are so overworked trying to keep some balance in your body that I was just too tired and sick to carry a baby. The loss of our two children will always be a sad thing for me, but with this new knowledge, I'm free of the guilt of this being my fault. And with that a huge weight has been lifted off of me. Thank God! And I mean that. Thank you God!
The frustration came because my doctor is not your average MD. He's actually a highly skilled chiropractor who practices applied kinesiology. Therefore, he is unable to write prescriptions. There is a specific antibiotic that I need to take, but I spent 8 hours in clinics being tested for everything from mono to my thyroid and no one would treat me for what I have. I'm still waiting on that one to pan out. Knowing what I need to feel better, but not being able to get my hands on it is devastating, but I'm trying to be patient.
This trip was also an emotionally healing adventure. I got to go visit Bethany Lutheran College, my old stomping ground and visited with some old friends that I adore. The best moment there was with Jake. I'll never forget this moment and the impact it made on me. He's the lighting designer now for the theater department and has his office in the lighting booth of the theater. I went to see him and we talked and talked like no time had passed. Then after a while he took me down on stage, but note that before doing so, turned off the house lights and put a spotlight on center stage. I walked out on that stage with tears welling up in my eyes. That was my home while I was at BLC and it had been six years since I had stood there. As I approached to circle of light, the lump in my throat got bigger and the moment my feet entered into that spot, I lost it. I was so overwhelmed that I lost it. Jake smiled and said, "Step into it Cari. Come on! You know you want to." As I stepped forward and the warm light hit my face, the faucet was turned on even higher and I couldn't control the sobs. Jake, so sweet, came over to me with open arms and I buried my face into his shoulder. That moment is going to last my whole life. Thank you Jake for being such a good friend to me. I needed you that day. I should mention that Jake was sick as a dog that day and when I called him, he was warm and cozy at home, but because I was on campus, came in to see me. That's a true friend.
That's just one story, but there are many more. Perhaps, when I have more time, I'll tell more of them. Just know that I'm so much better than when I left and I will be completely healed soon... stronger than before.
No comments:
Post a Comment